The Love Coach

Why friends are good for you

2010-08-26T09:30:00.000+10:00

Join the joy gym

2010-08-26T09:23:00.001+10:00

This is the work book Happy Days! Buy it from www.thelovecoach.info

Columns on love

2010-08-26T09:20:00.002+10:00

Don´t forget to read my latest stuff on ninemsn, on why friends are good for you, and how to get into a better mood! http://health.ninemsn.com.au/blog/lovecoach/

Get a break through

2010-07-30T10:08:00.001+10:00

How to attract Your The One

2010-07-17T17:19:00.001+10:00

Divorces are contageous

2010-07-16T08:32:00.002+10:00

A new study proves that if your friends get divorced, your marriage is in trouble as well...

According to the report from England "Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Unless Everyone Else is Doing it Too" more couples start questioning their marriages as soon as some of their friends or colleagues are breaking up.

People cheat

2010-07-14T17:03:00.000+10:00

I am interviewed for this article: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/sex/relationships/7929167/one-fifth-of-adults-in-a-relationship-lust-over-another

Guys! How to make a woman like you

2010-07-12T12:42:00.000+10:00

Success story

2010-07-11T17:02:00.001+10:00

A client just reached his goal - to get back with his girl - and he wrote me this lovely testimonial:

"I originally turned to Carolin after I kept getting things wrong with the love of my life. I consulted friends, exes, books and every resource I could think of. Finally I wrote to Carolin and booked a session. We spoke on several occasions. The advice she gave me changed my thinking and confidence for ever. It was the best thing I've done.

I went on to not only rectify things, but also go on to enjoying a most beautiful honest relationship that lasts to this day.

If you are lucky, one day you will meet a wise helpful person, who with a few thoughtful words, will help you discover the right approach and principles for yourself, whatever your situation. Carolin Dahlman is that person. She has a deep understanding of life and the universe, and has a unique way of highlighting the relevant principles and articulating them to you in a way that will be most understandable and valuable.

One of the secrets to her effectiveness is that she is genuine and her words come from the heart. Listen to her carefully and trust what she says. Thank you for everything Carolin."

Get a plant and stay happy

2010-07-08T07:51:00.001+10:00

This is one of my ninemsn blogs: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/blog.aspx?blogentryid=661912&showcomments=true

You may be able to heal your heartache by getting some lovely indoor plants, if workplace research in Sydney could be applied to our homes. Sadness or anger following a break-up, rejection or conflict in your relationships could be reduced by filling your home with peace lilies or kentia palms.

The University of Technology, Sydney, research team studied office environments and found that overall negativity was clearly reduced when there were plants in the workplace, and stress levels went down by as much as 60 percent. Even one single plant was enough to make a difference.

The results from the study are amazing. After having plants indoors, the participants reported:

58 percent less depression;
44 percent less anger;
38 percent less fatigue;
37 percent less anxiety; and
30 percent less confusion.
A control group, which did not have plants in their offices, reported increases in those same feelings by as much as 20 to 40 percent in the three months leading up to Christmas.

So imagine what plants could do for how you feel at home and your love-life! Many singles believe true love will come when they meet the right person, but a happy marriage starts with you.

If you wish to get a healthy relationship, start with yourself and your emotional wellbeing! When you love yourself and feel great, you will be a magnet for love and joy, since we attract those who mirror our energy.

People whose lives are in balance attract other people whose lives are in balance, so if you feel good you attract a partner who also feels good. This increases the chance to have a beautiful connection and a stable, loving relationship.

Being single or in an unhappy marriage can be stressful and confusing, but the worse you feel, the less likely you are to solve the problems in a successful way.

The best solution comes to you when your soul is in harmony — when you can find a "solution" based on a strong intuition and a warm heart. If you feel like crap you risk creating more negativity, so get yourself together and attract great people and happenings!

Sometimes the wounds that make us feel sad go deep and we need to talk to a psychologist or a coach to deal with it, but other times you can find happiness with other tricks. So judging by this research you can easily feel better by buying some plants and reconnecting with Mother Nature. Why not? It's cheaper than retail therapy.

If you need guidance with your love-life, visit www.thelovecoach.info.

Smile if you want a date

2010-07-06T07:20:00.004+10:00

This is my latest column at Ninemsn. Please read and comment: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/blog/lovecoach/

Say "cheeeese" if you want a date! There is a simple reason why you put on a smile in front of the camera: you look so much better that way. On the dating scene it also raises your chances of hooking up, since a smile is like a big "welcome" sign on your face, making you non-threatening and people are intrigued enough to approach you.

Research by Dr Monica Moore at Webster University in the US found men are more likely to approach a woman with an average level of attractiveness who sent positive flirting signals than those they found more attractive, but who failed to send positive signals.

It's not only because we look better with a smile on our face, but also because it reduces the risk of being turned down. If someone is smiling at you, it must be a good sign, right? It makes the pick-up less threatening.

For my upcoming book, Why Men Withdraw, I interviewed hundreds of men about what they liked and disliked about women and what they thought and felt about flirting, dating, sex and relationships. One thing that was clear: men love it when a woman smiles and dislike it when women are rude and arrogant. They are much more likely to say hello to a lady who looks happy.

"The last girl I dated I went up to because she looked like a nice girl, like she was having fun, smiling," one man I interviewed said.

"I get drawn to vibrant, happy, shining, glowing, natural beauty," another said.

The guys felt that a smiling girl was easier to go up to at a party or supermarket, but she also seemed more fun than others. If she looked happy, he assumed he would have a good time in her company as well, which was a plus.

We surely want more of what we see, when someone smiles towards us. It opens us up for flirting. Researchers at the University of California, San Diego, and University of Michigan found that when they showed pictures of smiling people for as little as 16 milliseconds, thirsty participants in a study drank more and were willing to pay twice as much for it than when they viewed an angry face. This suggests that people who are smiled at will buy more and pay more.

We also like what we see while smiling ourselves. A German research team let a group of people watch funny cartoons while holding a pen between their lips, making it impossible to smile. Another group got to hold a pen between their teeth, forcing them to smile. The group who was smiling found the cartoons much more fun, the researchers wrote in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 1988 .

So if you want to be liked by someone, make sure they smile when they see and think of you.

Put on your best smile and get out there to give compliments and good energy. I can assure you, it will come back.

New book about men

2010-07-01T06:24:00.001+10:00

3 things you should NOT talk about on a first date

2010-06-25T08:25:00.001+10:00

All videos on www.youtube.com/carolinlovecoach

To be independent is not to be strong

2010-06-24T09:40:00.001+10:00

All videos on www.youtube.com/carolinlovecoach Welcome!

Why men withdraw

2010-06-21T07:44:00.003+10:00

Now you can buy the book as hard copy! This is the book you have been waiting for girls; you will find out everything you ever wanted to know about what guys really think of you, love, relationships, dating, sex, romance, flirting... Read the book and avoid mistakes forever! It is $40, shipping included.

Why YOU should get indoors plants

2010-06-17T11:44:00.000+10:00

From Australian morning TV "Sunrise" at Channel 7

Move your body and get happy

2010-06-14T14:30:00.001+10:00

Your girlfriends advice won´t help

2010-06-13T15:06:00.002+10:00

I saw Sex and the City yesterday and came to think about how awful our girlfriends are at giving advice when it comes to love, dating and relationships. They don´t mean harm - and that is the problem! They want to be nice to us - and by being nice they stop us from personal growth.

If you have patterns that are not serving you, your girlfriends won´t be the ones to tell. They want to be your friend and not upset you! Instead they will say "Oh no you are wonderful, I can´t believe you are single. Just let me introduce you to some more boys!" and you go on another 5 dates without succeeding...

The best way to change your life is to change YOU. What could you do different that made your life different? It can be embarrassing and painful to look at your own part of not finding love - but when you do, you can quickly create a new reality!

WHY DID HE WITHDRAW? TALK FOR WOMEN ONLY

2010-06-11T11:35:00.003+10:00

Learn everything on what guys think and feel when it comes to love, dating, sex, relationships and girls! In a 1 hr workshop you will get the keys to how to understand men, why they suddenly withdraw and stop calling, why they like one woman and not another, what makes them tick and what turns them off. You might not WANT to hear the truth, but the facts and insights you get in this workshop will make you stop making mistakes and start succeeding in love! Give your love life a chance. Email talk@thelovecoach.info

The talk is held in Sydney on June 22nd, Cost $20

Forgiveness releases love

2010-06-11T08:10:00.008+10:00

Some people find it very hard to forgive others. I know several women who are COLD towards someone who they find has treated them bad or crossed some line in the past. They REFUSE to accept the person´s appologies or pleas.

I don´t really get it. I remember one time when me and my boyfriend were staying at one of his female friends place, and I cried for some reason, and when she got all upset with me for disturbing her flat mates with my crying, I called her a bitch (ok, not very nice). I later wrote texts, emails and made phone calls to tell her how sorry I was for coming to her house and messing up, but she responded with more anger. She called me names, revealed nasty things my bf had told her (according to her) and kept writing evil emails. I still get stressed out thinking about it.

I don´t really get it. I have friends who take on that COLD face when talking about some old friend they dislike or a boss who once treted them badly. The memory of being mistreated or embarrassed goes deep and these girls will NEVER forget or forgive.

Come on ladies. We all make mistakes and step on people´s feet. I am sure someone thinks of you with a frown on their face as well. Wouldn´t you like them to forgive you?

Resentment and anger is negative energy and it holds back positive energy. By forgiving and letting go you release your powers and you open for others to shine. I am not saying you have to love and be close friends with the whole world, but at least let negatives be neutrals.

Reach your goal, step by step, decision by decision

2010-06-09T13:06:00.000+10:00

What are you waiting for?

2010-06-07T07:31:00.002+10:00

I get a lot of emails from people who want me to help them with their love life and answer their questions. Since this is my full time job, and something I have been trained to do, I charge for my services. Just like any doctor, psychologist or personal trainer, I offer a value and expect to be paid for that. But when I bring this up, many emailers disappear...

I know "love problems" is something you normally discuss with your buddies for free, so people wonder why they should have to pay for that? The difference between me and your friend is that you in sessions with me will need to change your own ways... While your mates tell you that you are perfect and the rest of the world is against you, I give you tools on how to change your mindset and ways for long term, on a deep level. You should try. You deserve it.

Article on younger men, older women

2010-06-07T07:29:00.001+10:00

I was interviewed for a story in Woman´s Day. Check it out: http://womansday.ninemsn.com.au/relationships/1058110/Do-relationships-between-older-women-and-younger-men-work

2010-06-06T07:37:00.001+10:00

"You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want." - Zig Ziglar

Are you jealous? How to stay sane and save the relationship

2010-06-04T09:36:00.001+10:00

We have all been there, having those worried feelings and fearing that he has met someone else. Why is he out so late? Why is she adding those guys on Facebook? Who is he texting with...? This is how to handle the jealousy and make your partner keep on loving you

Why is he not calling you anymore?

2010-06-04T07:54:00.002+10:00

I have a new book, finished soooon. It´s about why guys suddenly DISAPPEAR, and is based on interviews and insights from my coaching. It gives girls answers and methods on how to avoid to get into a situation where guys stop calling, and tools on how to overcome the situation. Send an email to be the first to know when the book is finalised! carolin@coaching2love.com

Today I give my best to that which I do

2010-06-04T07:30:00.002+10:00

Tday´s affirmation from Louise Hay:

My work
is deeply fulfilling
Today I give my best to that which I do, knowing that when one experience is complete
I am led
to even more fulfilling and rewarding experiences

Which affirmation will you get? http://www.aplacefortheheart.co.uk/affirmations/hayaffirmations.htm

How to screw up your relationship with anger

2010-06-03T07:04:00.001+10:00

This is from Gary Champman´s latest newsletter. An Amazing guy:

Anger is a powerful emotion. If not handled correctly, it can easily destroy a marriage. Carefully follow each of the following 4 steps below to quickly ensure the destruction of your marriage:

1. Hide Your Anger
All of us experience anger. Your spouse treats you unfairly, or they fail to do something that you expected them to do, so you feel angry. However, if your spouse doesn't know when you are angry, then you can easily avoid dealing with it and thus destroy the marriage. Being honest about anger will help you begin to process it in a healthy way ... forcing you to deal with it out in the open ... and that is something you will want to avoid if your desire is to destroy your marriage.

Destructive Hint: If you can't hide your anger completely, just disguise it with a different name like "hurt" or "disappointed" to make it less obvious that you are trying to destroy the marriage.

2. Explode Often
When you are angry with someone it means that, in your mind, they have wronged you. When someone has wronged you, the emotion of anger pushes you to fight back and fighting back almost always makes the situation worse.

One fundamental principle in anger management is to make a covenant with yourself, that you will not attack another person when you are angry. Definitely do not follow this principle if you are trying to destroy your marriage. Verbal and physical explosions are always an effective way in trying to quickly destroy a marriage.

3. Never Ask Clarification
When you are angry, always assume that you have all the information, or that you know exactly what the person meant by what they said. Make sure you do not ask for clarification. If you don't give them an opportunity to explain, or to apologize, then you can jump to all the conclusions you want and believe the worst. So if you want to destroy your marriage, never ask clarifying questions before jumping to judgments when you're angry.

4. Avoid Resolution
If you want to destroy your marriage you must never find a resolution to the situation that stimulated the anger in the first place. All of us say and do things at times that are not loving. These failures stimulate hurt and anger. Anger doesn't simply melt away with time, and hurt does not evaporate. They exist to motivate us to seek understanding and resolution, so if you avoid resolving the root cause of your anger, then you will be well on your way to a destroyed marriage.

Note from Editor: This article is obviously not intended to help destroy marriages, but rather strengthen them by exposing the kinds of behavior that do, in fact, destroy marriages. Our hope is that you will do the opposite of these destructive actions and thereby learn to deal with anger in a positive and effective way.

Ninemsn.com.au blog

2010-06-02T07:41:00.001+10:00

Hey guys, Don´t forget to check my blog at Ninemsn: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/blog/lovecoach/

First day of Winter

2010-06-01T16:07:00.002+10:00

Australia is amazing; it´s the first day of Winter and the sun is up, I´ve been for a run in the same gym clothes I wear in the Summer and life is just wonderful. It is important to stop the stress of the day every now and then to see what is light and precious. What do you love about this moment?

I love: sleeping cat, date in 2 hours, meeting lovely angel from church soon, diet coke, sunset, cleaned sheets, chatting with my mate Gavin on facebook, new nails, my friend Emma, and YOU :)

What makes you happy?

Cure for unhappy relationships

2010-06-01T07:56:00.000+10:00

Why do guys stop calling?

2010-05-31T13:49:00.003+10:00

I got a comment on my former post "Dead or dickhead?" but couldn´t publish it for some reason so I post it here. Very interesting!

"A guy does not say Good-bye because when the relationship is over then it is over. No need to pretend it is something it is not. That being said the last time I did that to a woman. It was because my reaction to her behavior (out of the country for months at a time) was so strong that it was causing me physical pain (panic attack). That being said, I have heard the exact opposite of what you are saying and that women do not want to have a man coming back having to have some sort of talk about one's feelings and that a clean break is easier to deal with."

Do you guys agree?

You have a shine within

2010-05-31T07:30:00.003+10:00

Most people are hiding their inner sun, their inner shine, their inner fire. It is not fair! Some have the courage to get up on stage to audition for x factor, Idol or Masterchef, but what if your talent is to be a wonderful caring person, or a brilliant thinker? What if you are beautiful and sparkling within, without the voice to match a stage performance. Is that good? Of course it is. You have so much potential, so much shine within you. This is the day. We all want to see you.

I love this song

2010-05-30T15:15:00.000+10:00

The sun is here for you

2010-05-30T15:07:00.001+10:00

Beatles "Here Comes The Sun" lyrics

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

Flirty boys are not automatically love coaches

2010-05-28T12:26:00.002+10:00

Guys usually get all excited when I say I´m a love coach. They somehow get the idea that they ALSO are love coaches and that they should teach me something. Uh.

First of all, I don´t teach. My clients don´t reach success because I´m an expert telling them what to do; they reach success because I help them clarify their situation and I guide them to find their own answers by helping them see the question. In my sessions I don´t do the talking, they do.

Second, just because a guy is a massive flirt, it doesn´t mean he is humble and sensitive enough to teach others. You can´t always understand why you are good at picking up girls, To be able to pass the skill on to others, you need to see the structure and the process, not just brag about your numbers of dates.

Third, The reason these guys get all cocky around me is that they are highly confident charming guys who live in a world where they feel that they can do whatever they please. While others would back off when rejected, these guys find that even more interesting, and pursue without any loss of self esteem. One of these guys were eager to meet up with me for lunch, which I accepted. But ten minutes before our scheduled meeting he texts me, saying he can´t make it, because he is working in another city that day. Uh. This means he has known all day that he can´t make it to lunch, but he waits until the last minute to tell me, leaving me with a lunch hour I could have spent with a friend or a client if I had known. When I told him I wasn´t happy with his ways, that it was not respectful, he kept on saying we should meet up, without saying "I am sorry". This type of guy is very popular around younger girls, because he seems strong and he is incredibly flirty, but it doesn´t impress me... :)

Love Coaching is for people who wish to find true love - it´s nothing 21 year old boys can teach just because they can get laid easily. This means it doesn´t matter how successful I am in my own ways; I am not here to teach. And it doesn´t matter if they can score every weekend; it doesn´t help anyone else.

Affirmation cards, pick one!

2010-05-27T14:45:00.002+10:00

On Louise Hay´s page you can get a daily affirmation. Awesome :) http://www.aplacefortheheart.co.uk/frame.php?sp=/affirmations/louisehay28.htm

Dead or dickhead?

2010-05-27T07:52:00.002+10:00

I made a lot of interviews with guys for my book "What do guys want?" but have still not got a total grip on how guys think when they dump girls without a word or an explanation. I hear about it all the time, and I have for sure experienced it as well. In hindsight we all know what went wrong - maybe a girl slept with a guy too soon, maybe they were not really compatible - but still, why can´t guys at least say "good bye"? They don´t want to hurt us, sure, but that is exactly what they do when simply disappearing... What do you think, dear reader? Are they dead when they stop calling you, or are they just dickheads...?

Sydney CBD Office

2010-05-26T16:29:00.002+10:00

Hi lovely Sydney siders, Now you can get Love Coaching during your coffee break! I have moved into the city, to 147 King street, and you are very welcome! Opening offer is 50% off normal price for office hours bookings made between May 26 and June 8. Take the chance to change your life now!

(maximum 3 sessions per person)

So many negative people

2010-05-26T13:27:00.004+10:00

Sometimes I get sad when reading comments on blogs and articles on the internet. The lack of manners, the blunt language - it all come from such broken hearts. I wrote in my Ninemsn column this week about how valuable it would be for managers to make sure their staff is happy in their love lives, and some commenters started saying their employers were crap and didn´t even give them a birthday card, so how could I be so stupid I thought they would pay for love coaching??

Well, I might be stupid :) but I am not giving up hope that there are good intelligent bosses out there. If you are unhappy with your company, why bark at me? The negativity these people spread is exactly what I am talking about. When people are unhappy they will spend energy being angry instead of doing a good job. They will spread bad karma in the room and influence the results.

I wish every employer would do like James Packer did this week, and kick nagging people out! You want staff that at least give constructive critique in the shape of ideas, not whining people without a plan... Go Packer! Go Packer! :)

Forgive people - it will change everything

2010-05-25T09:52:00.001+10:00

Is your love life stuffing up your career?

2010-05-24T13:55:00.000+10:00

During a break-up, divorce or when busy looking for love, people tend to get occupied by thoughts of love and relationships, rather than their job. Anger, fear, worries or sadness take over, making lovesick staff members less useful at work. If the boss can make people more relaxed at home, that's great for business. I believe CEO's should motivate them to be not only happy about their job, but also to be happy about their romantic relationships.

http://health.ninemsn.com.au/blog.aspx?blogentryid=648999&showcomments=true

Change your way of seeing things

2010-05-22T07:44:00.003+10:00

It's possible to be a millionaire but still feel poor. Or a president who feels powerless. Or to be surrounded by friends but still feel lonely. If that sounds like a sad fact, reverse the notion. You can feel rich even if you're penniless; strong, even if you're weak and fully connected to comforting companions, even in solitary confinement. Those who seek to change their mood by altering their circumstances are taking a long (and unreliable) route to a nearby destination.

Jonathan Cainer

How not to pick up

2010-05-21T07:46:00.004+10:00

Me and my girlfriend went out last night for after work drinks and got approached by a few guys, and I just want to give you boys out there on what to say or not to say to girls at bars...

- One thing we noticed was that almost all the guys started by asking what we work with. Sure, this could be useful information for you, but it is a boooooring question. It indicates that you value people for their titles and not their soul.

- Another thing was that guys were coming up and standing way too close, with a big grin in their faces, obviously brave after a few drinks... It just felt like they got into our space where we had fun talking to each other, demanding our attention, and we most times just left or had an uncomfortable chat about what we work with.

- Some guys stayed longer and managed to go through their whole questionnaire, with "what do you work with, where do you come from, how long have you been here, where do you live?" they never stopped to reflect on our answers or share info about themselves, they simply shot questions.

- One guy asked my gf "Are you 35 years old?" instead of "How old are you?" (which is not a good question either...) Aaaaaaarrrrgh!

- One guy said to me "since your friend is talking to my friend, I guess I have to talk to you"

We might be tough cookies and not really out to find men, but our analysis of what happened at that bar is still valid. Boys, go to flirting school, pick up your social skills!! I will happily guide you to success on the bar floor.

What´s stopping you?

2010-05-20T07:28:00.003+10:00

Hi, Have you ever considered love coaching but then stopped yourself...? Can I ask why that is...? There are so many people in the world who would be able to change their reality with the help from coaching, but who still don´t give me a call, and I wish I knew why. Help me :)

Don´t sleep with them the first night

2010-05-20T07:21:00.002+10:00

Once again I am coaching a girl who is failing in relationships since she sleeps with the guys too soon. Please don´t!! If you really want love and respect it is better to wait. I am not saying it is impossible to build a longterm, strong partnership after a one night stand, but it´s less likely. You have told the guy that you don´t respect yourself, you have lost a bit of the magic and you have put ideas in his head of you being to "easy". Of course, it can be the guy who is too easy as well, but of 100 stories I hear, it´s the girl who wants a boyfriend but miss out because she thinks that quick sex will take her there. Listen now ladies! This weekend, cross your legs and open your heart :).

Get what you want by saying what you want

2010-05-18T11:54:00.000+10:00

Try Love Coaching for free

2010-05-18T07:13:00.001+10:00

Now all Australians can try one session for free!! Just call me on 0424327191

Love Coaching helps people get a happy love life through changing their way of thinking, acting, reacting.

In one on one sessions or workshops I help my clients find out what they really want in life and what is stopping them from getting that. This creates awareness, so they can start improving and changing.

Love Coaching is tough and challenging, but at the same time warm and encouraging. It´s based on questions, homework and programs created to suit the individual. I guide them to find beliefs, memories and events from the past that affect them today. We then shift those by focusing forward. And it works. All people I have coached have quickly done positive changes in their life and a lot of my clients are now in happy relationships – mainly because they are happy within themselves.

I will help my clients:
- set goals and know what they want
- get motivated and inspired to change
- get confidence and self esteem
- act, think, react successfully in life
- deal with problems, sadness, fears

Write a wish list

2010-05-16T16:09:00.003+10:00

Last night I met a girl who had met the love of her life after coaching. She had met a coach after a break up and learned how to not focuse on the negative, of letting go of resentment and anger, and instead write a list of everything she wished for in a partner. A week later she met her man. Isn´t that powerful, huh...

If life sucks

2010-05-15T07:21:00.002+10:00

I got an email from a person who was low, almost depressed, and who thought that she had been making the wrong choices and made lots of mistakes, and now she realised she wasn´t a catch, so she doubted if she would ever find love.

These kind of emails come to me all the time, because we all get these feelings from time to time. Are we good enough? Will we ever find love?...

This is my response to the girl:

You are in a wonderful period of your life, when you are opening your heart and life for change. You have lived as a leaf, getting tossed around, but now it´s time for you to be in charge and get what YOU want. It´s a great time, filled with hope and possibilities. There is no point of accusing you for your past choices, the best thing you can do is to start acting different from now. You have the right to sit down with a blank paper and sketch your life now. You can create the true you! You can be and get whatever you wish for.

I can help you through this in my coaching! Check www.coaching2love.com for more info

Apologize to get the relationship back on track

2010-05-14T07:57:00.004+10:00

This is from Gary Chapman´s lovely newsletter, about his book "The Five Languages of Apology"

Many relationships die for lack of an apology. Offenses are real and they fracture relationships. Time alone will not heal a broken relationship. The healing process begins with a sincere apology. The apology doesn't immediately restore the relationship, but it does open the door to forgiveness, and forgiveness opens the door to reconciliation.

Is an Apology a Sign of Weakness?
Why then do some people find it so hard to apologize? Perhaps this is because they view apologizing as a sign of weakness. In reality, it is a sign of maturity. In an apology, I accept responsibility for my behavior. I'm showing that I value our relationship. Until you apologize, nothing is more important.

Requesting Forgiveness
Requesting forgiveness is one of the five apology languages. For some people it is their primary language. In their minds, if you don't request forgiveness, you have not apologized. One wife said, "All he ever says is, 'I'm sorry.' What is that supposed to mean? Does he realize that he has done wrong? Does he want to be forgiven? Then why can't he ask for it?"

The reason he does not "ask for it" is that he may not know that requesting forgiveness is one of five ways to apologize. Most of us only learn one or two statements of apology as we grow up. To make a successful apology we may need to learn to speak another language.

Learning How to Apologize
When Dr. Jennifer Thomas and I wrote our book, The Five Languages of Apology, we discovered that people apologize in different ways. What one person considers an apology is not what another person is looking for. He says, "I'm sorry," while she wants to hear him say, "I was wrong." Or, she says, "What can I do to make things right?" And, he is saying, "For a start you can tell me what you are going to do to make sure this does not happen again tomorrow." None of us are experts on apologizing, but the good news is that we can learn.

To sign up for Chapman´s newsletter:
http://visitor.constantcontact.com/manage/optin/ea?v=001rSkw_bAFFon3Sev46AsaRw%3D%3D

Can you hook up for life if you meet in a bar?

2010-05-12T09:51:00.003+10:00

I met a guy who told me that he could never meet a girl in a pub, since "they only wanted one thing". So he didn´t even try giving them anything else, instead he played along - in the game he thought they were playing. But hang on... All kind of people go out on Saturday nights and I can assure you, a LOT of them wish they could meet someone special. I know that girls many times play on their sexuality to get quick attention from guys, and because they assume that is the way to allure men, but isn´t it sad that men and women really want something else? Let go of silly beliefs in your head and meet the One. He or she can be anywhere! Even in bars!

Single and unhappy? Is your love life a bit boring?

2010-05-10T07:35:00.000+10:00

When people come to me for help with their love issues, 9 times out of 10 I find a little demon in them called FEAR. It comes in all kinds of colours and shapes, and is most times responsible for our negative feelings. But don’t worry. Let me tell you how to kick the demon out of your life – to make you feel alive and sparkling.

Instead of being open and generous and creating an environment that love wants to be in, many let themselves be closed, scared and hard skinned. What is stopping them from having a massive amount of love in their life is FEAR.

My clients say they have been hurt before, that they don’t want to risk getting rejected. So instead they live like statues, never moving forward.

I want you to start moving, to feel great and welcome love with a smile.

Some coaches will tell you “face the fear” or “just do it anyway”, but if all you do is “stop” being scared, that will feel painful. It tells you to accept and embrace the pain, which does not sound very pleasant. Being a martyr does not motivate, at least not for me.

A better way to phrase it is to “start”; I find “start” much more appealing than “stop”. Start:
- welcoming love
- opening up for people
- being brave and happy
- being comfortable with change
- loving the world
- embracing new experiences
- bringing out the crazy person within

When putting it like this, we let the light kill the darkness, instead of mocking around in the dark. You don’t have to even think of fear or get the demon more space. We purely focus on being the person who is open, loving and warm – who acts from the heart and think happy thoughts. That person is naturally brave and lives in all of us. It might be bullied and suppressed by the Fear Demon, but it’s our natural way of being.

Practice on being that person, and it will come out of its corner eventually and push the Demon away. The more you act, think and are that Loving person, the easier it gets. Our brains works just like any other muscle; the more you use it the bigger it gets, and the easier and smoother it is the next time.

The Fear Demon tells you the world is a dangerous place and you are better of standing still, playing dead or be evil. But you know in your heart, that Love is a greater source and that you feel better being your natural warm you.

Your “Let LOVE in” 1 week boot camp:
- Always try new things and ways, because it makes you in ease with change. Make sure you try at least 10 new things a day during the first week. Write your adventures down. Once you know you are capable of handling the new input without problems, you will feel proud of yourself.
- Be aware of your energy. When you live in a warm energy you will have that as a nice protection. See the beauty in everyone, including yourself. Feel the warmth move from you in smiles, compliments, gestures and actions. People will mirror you; if you are loving towards them they will be loving back (in most cases). During the boot camp it’s not allowed to whine, criticise or complain – not loud or within you. Every time your mind wants to nag, find a nice word to say. People react on what you think, so think love.
- Write wish lists and ask for help. We live in a world that is obsessed with individuality and self-help, and we have forgotten that the self needs help when its self-helping. Be humble and create an environment of people around you who will support you on your journey. Write down your wishes and go for it. The wishes need to be phrased positively. Avoid “I don’t want to be lonely” and write “I wish for true love”. This will make your actions sharper and less run by… The Fear Demon… When you are avoiding something (rejection, pain) you will put all your energy into defence. When you want something (love, happiness) your actions will easily take you there.

You are a beautiful wonderful person who deserves to live in love. When you open up for love, it will rush in and out of you dancing around like a butterfly, tickling you, making you giggle and see life with joy.

-------

I am posting articles from the past. They are still useful, so thought they could be re-used. Let me know if that´s annoying :) xx

How to be happy? Just smile!

2010-05-09T08:09:00.002+10:00

There are heaps of surveys that show us that if you force your lips to smile, you will wake up hormones in your brain and you will feel and be happy for real. So, even if you were not in a sparkling mood to start with, you can fill yourself with joy in just a few seconds. Just smile!

Smile right now when reading this text and you’ll see! It works.

The smile will start a positive circle, because the funny thing is that when you smile you will be aware of the good things that happen in your life, instead of the bad stuff. You will notice the sun and the nice lady at the convenience store, instead of getting irritated of the heat and that annoying work colleague. You will suddenly wear “happy glasses”, helping you focus your mind on the right things. I mean, you see, smell, taste and feel millions of things every day, and your mind can only pick up a few of them. If you smile, you’ll see the best. This is how to be happy from within.

If you smile, people will also be more open towards you. They will feel welcomed into your zone and more willing to start talking to you. This will hopefully make you feel even better.

Many of the singles I meet as a love coach are stuck in an unhappy mood. They feel bitter or scared. They have stopped smiling, because they don’t dare to fall in love and loose it again. They don´t know how to be happy, and don´t have the courage to find out.

I know it can be terrifying to loose control and fall in love. What if no one catches you? But where does that lead you? Do you want to stay unhappy for the rest of your life? Probably not, huh?

I tell my shy and scared clients to force their body to act as if they are happy. Start with pretending, as if you were an actor in a movie, and the true feelings will come eventually! Try to think of a person you know who is smiling a lot and seems happy, and then act as if you were that person.

Exercise:

- Start by smiling at home as often as you can.
- Practice by smiling to at least 5 strangers a day – at the super market maybe?
- Start flirting with one person a day
- Now it will come automatically!

More info: http://www.howtobehappyadvice.com/

Swedish blog

2010-05-08T07:40:00.001+10:00

Hej, Om du är svensk och hellre vill läsa på svenska, kolla in min blogg på Aftonbladet :) http://blogg.aftonbladet.se/lovecoach

Och mina böcker Hitta Kärlek och Vara ihop såklart. Finns på adlibris och liknande! Fråga i bokhandeln också... Kramis

Sign up for Love Letter and get a free session

2010-05-08T07:36:00.003+10:00

Everyone who signs up for my forthnightly love letter will be offered a free session of love coaching. Here is some more info about this!

Love Coaching helps people get a happy love life through changing their way of thinking, acting, reacting. In one on one sessions or workshops I help my clients find out what they really want in life and what is stopping them from getting that. This creates awareness, so they can start improving and changing.

The Love Coaching is tough and challenging, but at the same time warm and motivating. It´s based on questions, homework and programs created to suit the individual. I guide them to find beliefs, memories and events from the past that affects them today, and we shift those by focusing forward. And it works. All people I have coached have quickly done positive changes in their life and a lot of my clients are now in happy relationships – mainly because they are happy within themselves.

I will help my clients:
- set goals
- get motivated
- know what they want
- get better self esteem
- act, think, react successfully

This is beyond "flirting tips". It has less to do with dating, and more to do with how to find true love for real, for long term, and how you feel confidence from within.

About The Love Coach
I am a certified life coach specializing in love and relationship, hence “the LOVE coach”.

- I have published 3 books about coaching
- I write a blog about love and relationships for ninemsn.com.au
- I do free video workshops on Youtube.
- And of course, I help lots of people with their love lives, through one on one coaching on Skype or e-mail

Love coaching is my passion and my mission. I am deeply grateful for having found this role in life. I used to work as a writer, communication consultant and political debater, but became a love coach in my search for a way to do something more meaningful for others. I realized people were coming to me for my ability to think constructive and positive and rapidly change their perspective, so I turned it into a job. Today I coach people all over the world, through sessions, books and media. I absolutely love every second of it!

I haven't always been successful in my own private love life, and that is why I can help you now. I have been through a lot of dramas, emotions and just... stuff. I have loved and had two long term de facto relationships, but I have also been wounded. My experiences give me a greater understanding and an ability to help than if I had been flawless and my life had been smooth. I can see and feel what my clients are going through.

Welcome. I am here for you. Send me an email: carolin@coaching2love.com We meet over Skype, msn chat or live in Sydney (Bondi Beach or cbd)

Testimonials from clients:

"I will definitely recommend Carolin to my friends. She stopped me from talking about negative past relationship events and got me talking about a positive future with someone new. I feel excited for the first time in ages!"

"I appreciated Carolin’s sensitive and highly insightful nature, it really created a space where it was ok to share in an open and honest way. Carolin stepped me through a number of scenarios that really helped me get clarity over what I wanted in my relationship and gave me the support to be able to speak my truth at a very challenging time in my life."

"To be coached by Carolin is tough, but amazingly developing. She ask many difficult questions that make me think about why I act the way I do and what I really want. Our meetings always give me heaps of thoughts and ideas, and I have developed more as a person the last two months, than I have in years. It makes me happy and now I'm more confident about future relationships. Thank you."

"Being coached by you has meant a lot to me. No one have ever been able to fully explain the meaning of "thinking positive" before."

"What I like the most about the coaching is that my coach gives me constructive critique. You always feel full of new ideas after the session."

"I've learned to trust my gut feeling even when I'm dating. That makes me more relaxed."

"To me coaching has meant I've stopped my hectic life for a while to figure out what I'm really looking for - and if I'm really looking... Carolin is challenging me by asking the "right" questions and with her help I've reached some insights and from now on I'll be looking for Mr Right in a more active way"

Flirting for shy guys

2010-05-06T08:55:00.000+10:00

New Ninemsn column about getting past shyness: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/blog.aspx?blogentryid=642280&showcomments=true

Break through times

2010-05-06T07:32:00.004+10:00

It´s great time for change at the moment. Can you feel it...? You can change beliefs that you have carried around for example. Perhaps you believe:

"I will never find anyone"
"I am not hot enough"
"My relationship to my mum is stopping me from finding love"

Let me tell you, this is just thoughts in your head. It is not reality. It is not the truth; it is just something you are making up! It is time to stare back at those thoughts with angry face and say "GO AWAY". Be the master of your fate. The captain of your soul.

Are you scaring men away? Watch this

2010-05-05T11:12:00.000+10:00

Have I told you lately that I love you? Lyrics

2010-05-05T07:08:00.002+10:00

What about a love song, my dear? :)

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

For the morning sun and all its glory
Meets the day with hope and comfort too
You fill my life with laughter, somehow you make it better
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

There's a love that's defined
And it's yours and it's mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray to the one, to the one

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

There's a love that's defined
And it's yours and it's mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray to the one, to the one

And have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
You fill my heart with gladness, take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do
Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

video of Rod Stewrt

Maybe today...

2010-05-04T07:40:00.001+10:00

This might be the day. This might be the moment in your life when everything changes. Put on your best clothes, biggest smile and for the next day or two, be prepared for magic. Yay, bring it on! :)

Men and their lust degree

2010-05-03T07:18:00.001+10:00

There are lots of new interesting comments on my article on why guys loose interest in sex: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/blog.aspx?blogentryid=630658&showcomments=true#ugc_comments

Thank you all for commenting, it helps people to greater understanding. When we share we grow! Ehum... ;)

Do you have an environment that helps you?

2010-05-02T15:46:00.002+10:00

Ok, we should be happy within, from a deep strong core, and not be affected by what happens to us. That is the ultimate situation, where we all should be to be truly happy. But circumstances DO matter to us, and by taking control of them, you can be much happier. Create a life for yourself that serves you on your way to joy, love and success.

- Choose those friends who are supportive and brings out the best you

- If you hate your job, stop complaining or look for another one

- Live with people you like

- Exercise and eat well

- Be outside a lot; water, wind and forests will make you smile

- Make a list of things that make you happy, and do those things more often

- Make a list of stuff you dislike, and avoid those things

Ah well, it sounds so easy. And it IS easy. Strangely enough lots of people stay in crappy jobs, with mates who put them down or in apartments they hate. We mistreat our bodies and sit at home alone instead of spending time with people. WHY?

You deserve to have the best. Go get it.

How to handle conflicts in your relationship smoother

2010-05-02T14:47:00.000+10:00

Moving on after a breakup

2010-05-01T08:41:00.001+10:00

I got an email from a girl who had problems moving on after a breakup. She wanted to immediately rush into the arms of another man – for love, sex or just comfort. But that is not a good idea.

You need to heal your heart after a break up. When you rush away to find a replacement you hurt yourself even more. And you will never find a good man if all you’re going to use him for is to get revenge or just a body to go with your life style.

Focus on your own happiness and get ready for a better future.

1. Be open and honest about how you feel. Make sure to clean your system from questions about the break up, cause these questions might stop you from moving on. That anger of yours is for real so accept you’re feeling it. It is ok. It you suppress your feelings they will keep on wanting to pop out. Say to yourself: “poor girl, I understand you feel angry and sad, but things will be better”.

2. Remember all the good things you had with your ex and be grateful about them. Write a thank you letter to him – without sending it. Say “thank you” for that he made you feel, thank him for giving you these memories…

3. Wish each other good luck, and then stay away. Don’t stay friends. You need to move on now!

4. Draw a vision about your bright and happy future. How do you want to live, be and feel? Write a letter to yourself in one year. Describe where you are, what you have achieved and how you feel.

5. Make a list of what makes you happy and smiling – and do MORE of this! You deserve it!

Break ups are always sad. But you break up for a reason, and now you have the strength to create your happier future. Don’t dwell on the past, girl friend! You can feel better if you choose to.

And if you feel good from within you will attract a great boyfriend.

www.movingonafterabreakup.com

When an ex comes knocking...

2010-04-29T08:20:00.001+10:00

Your loved one dumped you but now the ex is suddenly back… What??? When a lover from the past returns it’s easy to be confused and bounce back into the danger zone, overwhelmed by feelings. But hold on! Why would you? Maybe you guys are meant to be forever, but what if you’re not? This is the ultimate way to handle the situation with pride.

As a knowledge partner on Yahoo7 Answers I respond to one question every day from a reader. On Monday I decided to answer a very typical one, from a girl dealing with her ex who was back in the picture. He was with another girl, but had now, after one year, called and wanted to meet up.

I get heaps of emails with the same kind of content. The man or woman who left them in tears is back like a boomerang, waking up a lot of feelings. Make sure you are well prepared, strong and focused.

The five rules to follow when an ex’s number appear on your mobile screen:

1. Register what you feel. Your instinctive first feelings are signals that help you deal with the situation. If you feel uncomfortable, listen to that and hold back.
2. Ask yourself why you would like to let your ex into your life again. Why would you even bother about meeting him or her? What do you want to get out of it? Closure, revenge, love? Would you meet them just because you don’t have anything better to do? Be clear to yourself about your goal; that will make you stronger.
3. Make sure you have got closure. If there are any questions you need to find the answer to (why did you leave me, was I not pretty/smart/rich/fun/good in bed?), either ask your ex or figure out your own answer.
4.Be clear about what you want and deserve for the future. What kind of relationship, what kind of partner, what kind of feelings? This gives you important perspective and helps you avoid a situation where you are run by other people’s choices or needs.
5.Heal your heart. Negative emotions, thoughts and memories create a fence around your heart. Make sure you clean yourself from the rubbish and keep your heart open to give and receive love. The more you hang on to the past and cling on to the feeling of being hurt, betrayed or unworthy love, the stronger the pain will be. Every time you repeat a black thought, the darker your life becomes. Decide to change and start fresh. You only have one life!

I also wrote about ex sex on ninemsn this week: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/blog.aspx?blogentryid=638487&showcomments=true

Sorry love, I am travelling!!

2010-04-27T02:54:00.002+10:00

I am having a blog break, while packing and flying and being all dizzy from jetlag. Cant wait to get back to my pretty cat!!!

Swedish Morning show

2010-04-26T22:23:00.000+10:00

Invictus - dikten!

2010-04-25T02:27:00.001+10:00

Idag såg jag Invictus och WOW vilken film. Jag vill vara precis så vänlig och själsligt vacker som Mandela. Här är inspiration från William Ernest Henleys dikt som återges i filmen:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

How to find true love

2010-04-23T23:44:00.001+10:00

We all want to love and be loved. Being in a loving relationship is what makes most of us happy and gives life meaning, according to happiness research.

So why are you not there? The best way to find true love is to understand why you do not have it today. What are you doing wrong?

1. Be honest with yourself. What do you think that you can learn from past flings and relationships? How can you improve your way of thinking, being or acting, to find love? Write down at least ten things you wish you were, had, did or thought.
2. Where is it going wrong for you? In what stage of the search for love do you fail? Can´t you find a date? Don´t you get a second? Do you break up after a week, a month, a year? Why do you think this stage is not working?
3. When you have identified where it "goes wrong" you can start your journey to find true love by working on yourself and your issues. It´s nothing wrong with you, but probably with something you do. What can that be?
4. Ask friends and family to help you and accept their opinions. They want your best and if you let them tell you the truth without being angry at them, you will receive the gift of insights.
5. Make sure you are really ready and healed since past relationship. You need to be open for love to get love. If you are still upset with your ex or have feelings for someone else, it is impossible to let others in.
6. Visualise and start dreaming about your true love. What kind of relationship do you want and why? How do you wish to feel? What do you deserve? What will make you happy? Put light in the picture. It is important that you are sure this is possible. Pray to God or the Love Energy.
7. Live in love every day. Be a happy, smiling and loving person. Be nice to the world and people around you. The more you give, the more you get.

More help on: www.howtofindtrueloveadvice.com

Fighting with your partner?

2010-04-22T17:59:00.002+10:00

Conflicts are awful but every once in a while we find ourselves in some kind of "fight" with other people – about where to go for dinner, or about someone cheating. Big things, small things. Arguments and fist fights.

There is no magic rule that will make all conflicts resolved in a second, mainly because people argue so different, and need to be approached in their own way. Some take all the blame, others think it is the other person´s fault no matter what. Some protect themselves with raised voices, others by writing on a Facebook wall. Some use their hands, others their words. Some people are willing to make up and cry and be friends again, others feel resentment forever. We are different, so relationship advice must meet people as individuals.

Marriage counselor Gary Chapman has in the book “Five love languages” (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/) shown that we show love in different ways – by words, gifts, services, touch or attention. Chapman means we prefer one of these languages and if our partner for example give us words when we crave attention, we don´t feel loved. It is the same with fighting. We have different ways.

Also consider gender differences, presented by for example Dr John Gray: http://www.askmarsvenus.com/

The main rule is to meet hatred with love. Strong and grounded people meet hate with hugs; they dare to be calm and nice and simply watch the other person dance around in anger. Problem with this method is that it might make you feel like giving in, like the other person "won", and those who are not as strong will feel uncomfortable with that.

But in the long run, if you really want the relationship to work, it is better to show true strength. My advice to you is to believe in yourself and stand up for yourself on a reasonable level. If you give in because you are weak, you might cause a negative power balance, affecting your life together, but if you tell yourself you are STRONG when meeting hatred with love, you will get the strength.

In an upset situation, choose to move away, wait for a while and handle the issues in an hour or a day. Leave it for now. Care for your relationship in the long run.

I know it is hard. I am an emotional person and can get all kinds of outbursts, haha, so I break these rules over and over. But that doesn´t mean it´s good to check the rules again and try to be better the next time. Just because you are not perfect now doesn´t mean you should not try to create a better future.

What do you say? How should you do when fighting with your partner?
More relationship advice on:
http://love-relationship-advice-coaching.blogspot.com/

How to boost your confidence!

2010-04-21T17:53:00.001+10:00

Is your self esteem not in top shape? Would you like to feel confident and happy with who you are? People who have confidence and self esteem are magnets for love and luck. This is how you can train yourself to better confidence.

I got an email from a girl who didn’t feel like “girl friend material” since all the men she met just wanted sex, and nothing else. Another guy I coached told me he had given up on love, since nobody he wrote to on the dating sites replied. But why should they, he asked? “I’m too short and I’m not earning enough money.” His self confidence was weak.

There are so many people whose self esteem is lower than the winter temperature in Sweden. They walk around thinking they will never find love, because they are just toooo this and that (boring, fat, evil, stupid, ugly…).

From time to time we all get those feelings, but the question is why you throw a pitty party for them? Don’t say “I have low self esteem” and then look down on the ground and feel sorry for your self. Why not try to change instead?

You can feel better, get confidence and self esteem in an instant! You can take control of your emotions and get great self esteem and a happier love life. On www.boostconfidenceselfesteem.blogspot.com you find more tips, but this is one way to do it:

1. Buy a note book (a “good book”) that is small enough to carry with you.
2. Now start writing down everything that is good in life. Make it a mixture of big and small things. For example: great coffee, lady smiled at me, I managed to run 8 k without stopping, found jeans that looks hot on me, a friend invited me to dinner, I got a kiss on rsvp, my boss is in a nice mood… etcetera.
3. Also write good things about yourself, like “I look good in this dress” or “I made my friends laugh today”. It should be achievements that you are proud of.
4. If you have personal goals like “I want to be friendlier”, then reward yourself when you are improving. “Today I smiled and looked the clerk at my local shop in the eyes”.
5. Force yourself to write at least five things every day. It could be the same things as the day before; there is no harm in repeating, as long as you write something!

Compliment yourself, pat your back and be your best friend. This will make you less dependent on others appreciation, and you will be aware of your assets. You will feel stronger and more focused on what you actually have in your life. Enjoy the happy moments and be proud of you.
So what is the first thing you will write in your book? More info: www.coaching2love.com

Moving on after a break up – this is how to do it

2010-04-20T23:28:00.001+10:00

Break ups are never easy. We tend to cry, drink too much, eat too little or seek new partners every night, to fill the void. Have you ever felt it? Probably you have. According to research 98 percent of us have experienced being dumped and felt the pain. But you can by following some easy rules, learn to move on after the break up in a smoother way.

1. Let the pain out. Let yourself feel low for a while and pamper yourself with love as much as you can. Try to get answers on all your questions to be able to move on. If your ex doesn´t want to give you those, you probably know deep inside anyway so let yourself find them from within.
2. Be grateful for what was. Look back at the relationship and name at least five things that you enjoyed and made your life meaningful and fun while you were in the relationship. Also, figure out five important things that you learned about yourself and love, and that you can bring with you into future relationships, to avoid future breakups.
3. End with love. Think of your ex and wish him or her good luck in the future. Forgive for what your ex partner may have done wrong. Sometimes we all make mistakes, but avoid resentment. If you want to move on after a breakup with a happy heart, end with love, not hate.
4. Stay in love with yourself. Forgive yourself for what you might have failed with. Were you too clingy, nagging, too careless; did you cheat or insult him? Whatever you did, now it is time to forgive and move on. Do what you can to learn, and improve for future relationships. Practice new behaviors daily.
5. Dream about love. Describe your future relationship vividly and with positive energy. Paint a picture – up in your head or on paper – where you tell yourself how you want life to be if it was perfect. Men, women, friends, houses, health, travelling, work – fantasize and dream as freely as you can, and do it while smiling and looking forward.

After the first period of grief, moving on after a breakup is all about smiling. Make sure you feel good! You are responsible for your feelings, so be in charge and start feeling good. A miserable mood won´t bring you a new boyfriend, or make the old one come back.

Moving on after a break up is your responsibility! Force your body to walk straight, force your eyebrows to lift, force yourself to smile, and say “I wish to be happy”. When you have cleansed your heart with the 5 methods above, this will help you. I promise.

More guidance after a break up: http://movingonafterabreakupadvice.com

Yihaaaaa

2010-04-20T01:43:00.002+10:00

Just thought I would say YIHAAAA and force you to smile a little, get some strong happy energy and dance around the room. What about that? :)

Breaking up with a text message

2010-04-19T15:35:00.003+10:00

In Sweden, 13 percent think it´s ok to break up through a text message. Well, i believe "breaking up" is a tricky concept. I don´t think people who have been married would break up or ask for a divorce through sms, but it´s likely that those who have been going out for a week or two would choose the easy way out. Especially men...

Girls are most times more eager to solve relationship issues directly, but guys think it´s harder. They get stressed when girls cry or freak out, start asking lots of questions about his feelings and want "a good closure", meaning another 5 long conversations. Guys are better at moving on, closing the door and forget. Sometimes they prefer to simply vanish instead of raising any difficult issues.

What do you think of this?

The Naomi show

2010-04-19T15:34:00.000+10:00

This is a web tv show on different love topics. http://www.naomishow.com/ Have a look!

When you are jealous, you can´t see

2010-04-16T15:38:00.003+10:00

This article is from: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/healthnews/1040613/jealously-really-is-blinding

"Researchers at the University of Delaware have found that when people are jealous they find it difficult to pay close attention to simple tasks. To determine the level of anxiety and distraction jealousy causes, they asked heterosexual couples to sit near each other at individual computers and evaluate a series of images, LiveScience reported.

The participants were presented with a number of landscape and architecture photographs and were instructed to pick their favourites. There were also a number of emotional or gruesome images thrown into the mix which they were asked to ignore. Half-way through the exercise the group was told the men also has to rate the attractiveness of single women. Researchers found this made the women in the group feel very uneasy about their partners looking and rating another woman.

The study found that the jealous women were more distracted by their photographs (especially the emotional and gruesome shots), which meant they were less likely to pick out their preferred landscape shots, but this only occurred when they knew their partners were rating single women.

The brain is wired to prioritise particularly emotional information so when gruesome images are flashed onto the screen it is tough to ignore them, researchers said.

"When an emotional stimulus appears, it draws attention to itself — and thus draws attention away from other things that come immediately afterwards,"

"When attention is preoccupied in such a way, we tend to miss thing that appear right in front of our eyes. What seems to be occurring is that the women were being distracted by images that were consistent with their negative emotional state,"

"The jealousy manipulation likely raised their temporary level of anxiety, and it turns out that anxious people tend to be more prone to attend to negative emotional stimuli than non-anxious people."

The research was published in the journal Emotion.

Also see my special site for advice on infidelity and cheating: http://infidelitycheatingadvice.blogspot.com/

1 minute happiness work out

2010-04-13T17:39:00.002+10:00

If you want to change your life to the better, start by changing your attitude! One way to doing that is to do this simple 1 minute work out a few times every day:

Start the stopwatch on your phone and during ONE minute come up with as many things you are happy about as possible. Just let your mind throw out what comes to it first, don´t think too much. I will do it with you:

During this minute I am grateful about: sunshine, going back to Sydney, Sami, streets, friends, mum, my job, new visions, blogging, peaceful cafe, phone call...

What´s on your list?

Your strengths - get high self esteem and shine!

2010-04-12T15:50:00.004+10:00

Have you ever noticed how good you are at putting yourself down? Your legs are too short, your hair too curly, your wallet too thin... Aren´t we all experts at finding faults within ourselves and stopping us from living, shining and being our best?

And since we think we are such losers we don´t take chances, talking to people we fancy, so we end up alone and lonely... I hear it all the time and it breaks my heart! Stop hiding baby, start living!

What if you can look at your strong parts instead of your weaknesses? What is pretty and fantastic with you? If you have low self esteem, you need to do this exercise a lot. Don´t stop. You have complained about yourself hundreds of time. You have to praise yourself just as many times!!!

Name 10 things people like about you
Name 10 things you are proud of

What do you think about love coaching?

2010-04-11T16:54:00.002+10:00

I am planning a new marketing campaign to be able to help more people. I wonder though, what you guys think love coaching is and what you think about me as a love coach. It is important for me to understand how you percieve me. I am sending a message but sometimes I think I am misunderstood. Love coaching is like a mix of psychotherapy and sports coaching - it´s deep and pushy, healing the past and preparing for the future. Is that what you think love coaching is? Or did you have another idea? Feel free to give me honest feedback on coach@coaching2love.com. I want to learn. And help you! Thank you very much my dear!

Proper Aussie coffee...

2010-04-10T17:15:00.002+10:00

The older you get, the more into your routines you get... I must say I am an old dog now, at 36. In Australia I am used to get my lovely soy latte in the morning and I love execising every day, at some point. And now I am in Sweden... The cafés in Sweden open at 10ish since all swedes eat brekkie at home. I end up at McDonalds where lovely soy latte does not exist. Bugger! And it freaks me out! Until I realise how stupid it is to be stuck in "my way". If I am such a stone, how can I ever love, take in change or be open for the mysteries of life? When dating men who liked to sleep in, I used to go mental. Not anymore.

What kind of routines are stopping you from having the life of your dreams? In what ways are you a stubborn old dog, refusing to take in new light? Discover that and change it. Your life will change.

Old vid on why you end up with players...

2010-04-09T16:40:00.002+10:00

Is everyone you meet a player...? Check out this video:

And come to me for love coaching!

YouTube videos relationship advice

2010-04-09T16:35:00.002+10:00

Hey my friends, have you checked out my videos lately. Free advice for you on: www.youtube.com/carolinlovecoach Feel free to email me your comments and requests. How can the videos be more useful for you? carolin@coaching2love.com

Visiting mum

2010-04-07T22:04:00.003+10:00

I am in Sweden visiting old friends and family. Right now I´m in the small city where I used to live with my mum.

What kind of relationship do you have with your parents? Me and my mum have never been close. She has MS and was never really able to be a real mum, which made me feel resentment through the years. But seriously... if we see ourselves as victims, and if we carry anger, we´re only hurting ourselves. We destroy our own lives. What happened, happened in the past, and it is not happening now.

Can you call your parents today? Can you forgive, let go, confess, say "I love you"? I promise you, it feels amazing... It opens energy blockages in your body and sets you free to create a new, better life. Go for it!

Are you happy in the moment - like THIS moment?

2010-04-06T15:46:00.003+10:00

Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Yes, you are!! I´ll tickle you until you admit it. :) You are happy right now, there are lots of things that you can and should enjoy in this moment. Sure, you worry about what happened a few weeks back when your boy suddenly stopped calling, and you worry about how to handle your career or pay your mortgages. But what if you could let all those things go and enjoy NOW? Really take this moment in and see the beauty of your life. Let go of your negativity (but I am ugly, it´s raining, I need a payrise, why can´t I find love...) LET GO. In this moment you are allowed to enjoy your life. Perhaps you are healthy, have lovely friends, a great apartment, a cute dog, money to buy coffee, a nice mum, a warm heart...) Whatever you are, have or think that is good for you - enjoy it!! Love it, embrace it, smell it, touch it, take it in. You have absolutely nothing to be worried about right now, you have everything you need. Let yourself deserve this feeling. Find peace in that.

Sign up for Love Letter and get a free 20 min session

2010-04-04T12:26:00.002+10:00

Do you go through love dramas alone, or just with friends as support? Try Love Coaching! I am more honest, professionally trained as a coach and healer, and will give you the guidance you need. Right now I offer anyone who signs up for my forth nightly love letter a free trial session on Skype! Just email: coach@coaching2love.com with "April Love" as subject and I´ll contact you for bookings. Talk soon :)

Off to Sweden

2010-04-04T08:51:00.002+10:00

I am going to Sweden for a while. Got a sudden craving and booked a flight, but now I realise how IN LOVE with Bondi Beach I am. Just soaking in the lovely energy right now and can´t wait to come back :) Yesterday I did the reiki 2 + other healing attunements so now I am stronger than ever, in such balance it´s wicked. Wish I had been there a few weeks back but sometimes God is challenging us for a reason. When we are forced to face our own flaws, that´s when we can heal. Thank you... Ok, time to start packing my dear friends. I´ll blog from Stockholm! xo

Comparison game

2010-04-03T08:48:00.004+11:00

Noooo... he is not as cuddly as my ex and I don´t care if he calls when he said he would! Noooo... he is not as smart as my ex and I don´t care if he´s my age and earns his own money. Noooo... he is not as good looking as my ex and I don´t care if he is faithful and don´t take drugs.

Isn´t it funny... no matter how many flaws you found in your partner while you were together, you still think he was absolutely fantastic after he left you (which he did because you critizised him for all those flaws...)

When someone leaves us we tend to only see the light and beauty about the past relationship, and NO ONE will ever be good enough to replace that gem you just lost. Those characteristics that the ex had are the ones that you look for in a new partner, so you are blind for other people´s greatness - because they are not exactly the things you liked with the last one - who dumped you. You forget that he was racist, because he was so good in bed. You don´t care about that he never took time to see you, because he was funny.

If you have been dumped recently, think about this. Don´t stop yourself from finding love again because you are stuck in the comparison game. It´s not worth it. You are worth better.

Write a list of all the things you wish to get out of a relationship, and what is important to you - independently from the ex who just left you heart broken. Go back to your core and tell yourself what YOU want. That will make you less blind for fabulous people walking by, knocking at your door.

http://www.movingonafterabreakupadvice.com/

Why men don´t want to have sex anymore

2010-04-02T13:00:00.003+11:00

Lots of women experience that their husbands or long term partners lose the interest in having sex, and they start worrying. Is he leaving me? Am I ugly? Doesn´t he love me anymore? Is he having an affair? In this video I explain what could be going on.

More on: www.whatdoguyswantadvice.com

The meaning of life is to give others meaning of life

2010-04-02T07:51:00.004+11:00

I´m at my local coffee shop. Two kids just passed by on their skateboards, looking cool. A truck drove by, cleaning the streets. Some men are discussing life over a brekkie roll. Life is passing by, moment by moment, breathe by breathe, smile by smile.

Life is a present and I am grateful. There have been times when I´ve thrown a pity party for myself, thinking "buhu I want to DIE" - especially after losing someone I loved because I did the same mistake as I´ve done before, making me think "I´ll never learn, buhu, I could as well DIE". But I know the creator, the energy of life and love is always there, and I am supposed to live. There is a reason for my existance - and yours. We are here for a purpose. There are people whose lives will be brighter and lighter because of what we tell them and what we do. There are those we are here to give love and those we are here to teach lessons. We are tools, and by being tools we also find meaning.

If you see the meaning of life as a matter of YOU feeling good, getting lots of money or a hot partner, then you miss the point. Those who live in a bubble, purely focused on themselves, will not see the meaning. Your role in the big picture is not to serve you.

Everything you do affects other people. When you utter a word you start a process. When you give someone a flower you can change the world. If you distrespect others or hurt them, you interfer in the creating of a wonderful life. We are all entangled and connected. Everything is energy, nothing is stable and we are all One. Your actions, thoughts and being matters.

You will find love and peace when you let go of your own needs.

It´s not easy. I still get stuck in my selfishness and my little, little world, and I still say things that stings. Fear makes us do the craziest things - push people away, sabotage and hate. All we can do is to every day make more good choices. To learn. To grow up. To live in the Love Energy that is all around us.

So: Come on, give someone a compliment today. Forgive someone for their sins. Talk to someone who needs to hear your voice. Love! It´s a good day for that :)

Sometimes love get lost

2010-04-01T21:05:00.002+11:00

and you feel pain and confusion. Not everything in life cn be controlled. People have their own agendas and issues and a person´s heart belongs to no one but them. Becaus of this, when love get lost we can all lose it. Madness is a part of loving, since love is emotional, powerful and life changing. Up and down - love and embrace the ride baby.

Deal with your love dramas NOW

2010-04-01T09:18:00.004+11:00

Get personal help with your dramas - learn how to create a loving relationship or just feel HAPPY. With one on one coaching on Skype you get the chance to talk about what is bothering you and get professional help to deal with your situation. As a coach I ask you a lot of questions to arise awareness and to get you on the right track. I give you perspectives and tough homework that makes you practice new patterns, a new way of being and thinking.

I have helped thousands of people over the world to deal with their love and relationship problems. As a guide, I help you find the answers from within. I am trained as a life coach so I use that kind of methods to guide you, but I also work with my strong intuition and healing powers. My approach is warm and encouraging, rather than pushy. I will question your thoughts about yourself but I do it with a smile. I believe carrots are better than sticks and I wish for you to grow and learn in a loving environment. Together we will take you to a more loving life.

Read testimonials on the side of this page, where you also find price information. Watch videos on YouTube: www.youtube.com/carolinlovecoach

You are....Born to be wild!

2010-04-01T07:13:00.001+11:00

Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Lookin' for adventure
And whatever comes our way
Yeah Darlin' go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space

I like smoke and lightning
Heavy metal thunder
Racin' with the wind
And the feelin' that I'm under
Yeah Darlin' go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space

Like a true nature's child
We were born, born to be wild
We can climb so high
I never wanna die

Born to be wild
Born to be wild

Q&A: My girlfriend just left me, I can´t eat....

2010-03-31T09:20:00.001+11:00

Question:
my gf just left me about a week ago, im heartbroken, depressed, just extremely sad. I cant eat or sleep. I've lost 10 pounds this whole week. Ive had 3 full meals in one week. I dont know what to do . Ive texted her, called her, and talked to her in person. I try getting her back and i try telling her that i'll make it better but she just says no. We were together for a year and seven months, she broke up with me because we would constantly argue. Ive been her first real boyfriend and I try telling her that we argue as much as any other couple but she wont believe me. Throughout our relationship she would break up with me constantly. Every time I would cry and beg her to get back with me. She would say yes :(. I know im supposed to give her time and space but its just too hard. Do you think she will get back with me? :( What am I supposed to do? I dont want to move on anymore because my last gf also left me after 2 years of being together. She cheated on me so many times and i always forgave her. At the end she ended up leaving me. I was depressed for a whole week then all of a sudden after a whole night of crying I just felt like I didnt care anymore, then she came back to me asking to be with me but I said NO because I had already moved on to the girl that just left me a week ago. PLZ REPLY

Answer:Thank you for your mssage. I am sorry it didn´t work out with your girlfriend.

Have a look at your position in your 2 relationships... It´s the same pattern and you know that. You know that you were not ready when entering this relationship, so that´s why it´s the same story all over again.

Why do you think you need to beg? Why can people step all over you and you still beg and crawl? Why are you worth so little and others so much? Who was the first person putting you in that position, where you run around, trying to please someone who is unpredictable and doesnt respect you? Are the girls you choose bossy ladies or are you not stepping up caring for your own needs?

Can you create a new reality for yourself now? Go into your heart and ask who you are and who you wish to be. How would you really want a relationship to work? You deserve to be seen and loved, but only when you say to yourself that you deserve that and you dare to ask for it, it will come to you.

www.movingonafterabreakup.com

What is your goal today?

2010-03-31T07:49:00.003+11:00

It is a new day. If you had the ability to create it - or what is left of it - as you wished, how would it look? What would you feel? What would the day contain? You have the power to be happy, see the day as beautiful, live in love, use this day for adventures or have a super friendly day. You choose. What is your goal? Do you let the day just pass by as any other day or can you see how you have the possibility to get what you want? It´s your canvas. Fill it up, baby!

No it´s not your dad´s fault that your marriage is crap

2010-03-29T15:34:00.001+11:00

Say "thank you for your love" and your body will feel good

2010-03-29T08:01:00.008+11:00

Did you know that the words you use can effect the water crystals in your body? Most of our body is water, so stay aware of the findings from Masaru Emoto, a creative and visionary Japanese researcher (results published in his book, "The Message from Water")

In the white crystal the water molecules that have been exposed to the words "love and thank you" and in the yellowish pic the water that has been exposed to the words "you make me sick, i will kill you".

Emoto shows how human vibrational energy, thoughts, words, ideas and music, affect the molecular structure of water. He exposes the crystals to words and prayers and then freezes droplets of water that he examines under a dark field microscope that has photographic capabilities.

How can you use this amazing research result to improve your life? Think about how your words to your partner or family affects them and their deep structure. Use words for yourself that are nurturing and good for you. Say thank you and I love you to yourself. Avoid negative thoughts about yourself and others. Pray and make wishes for what you want and be grateful for what you have.

I found this info here: http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm Thank you! Emotos site: http://www.hado.net/

Ninemsn column: Release yourself and be happy

2010-03-26T08:14:00.002+11:00

Break negative patterns in love: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/blog.aspx?blogentryid=626259&showcomments=true

Bring out your passion to find self love and confidence - and success

2010-03-26T08:04:00.002+11:00

You have a flame within you. Let it out and you can achieve and attract miracles.

What do you love?

2010-03-25T09:38:00.003+11:00

What do you feel love for today, in this very moment? Can you quickly come up with ten things? OK, I start with my list and you can follow: Mr A, my girlfriends, soy latte, my cat, my pink calendar, new business cards, the crazy church healing, my new intuition, Bondi beach, autumn winds.

Phew... the trick is to think fast to bring out small and big things that pass your mind at the moment. It makes you see that there are so many things to love, so much to be grateful for.

If it feels like there is nothing fun, just fake it by saying: happy, joy, love, peace, serenity, laughter, sunshine., flowers, success, butterfly, roses, hugs, cuddles, new cut grass, shopping, fresh winds, feeling fine... Just fill yourself up with great words that will take you through your day with a smile.