Focus your energy in the right direction

Relationship coaching

Every Thursday I send out a love letter to people all around the world who have subscribed. I give some coaching, ask important questions and give some homework. Just a small dose every week, to not make it all so exhausting you end up on the couch watching CSI instead... In every love letter I also write a bit about myself and what's going on in my life. This is my way of reaching out to you and show you I am just like any other person. I want to connect with you and be your friend, as well as your coach. This is from the letter I sent out today. If you'd like to receive your own copy, please email coach@coaching2love.com. Read more on http://www.coaching2love.com/

"As you might have seen in the yellow section I now have an artist manager. It’s awesome! He’s such a lovely man and he understands what I do completely. When I worked with the singles industry many of the people there asked me not to talk about love. They told me “their customers doesn’t want love, they only want to have a bit of fun”.

I think they are wrong. I think we might be stuck in a single culture that turns love into a game, a competition, an amusement park. But I am pretty sure that most of the people on online dating sites or speed dating are actually looking for long term love.

Love is the meaning of life. In recession time when we no longer allow ourselves to shop for new Manolohs or BMW:s (not that I ever did…J), family and relationships are becoming more important. We understand that this is the base for our happiness, the ground on which we build our life. If we don’t have love from friends, partners or family, we are poor. Money has nothing to do with that.

I am happy for the fabulous people who I am attracting into my life at the moment. Generous, sparkling, kind hearted people who I am grateful for having around me. Maria, Michael, Jason, Karen, Erica… I realise that when I feel my best I meet friends who are in the same state and mirror my good mood and happiness level.

Look at those around you and see yourself. If your friends are annoying, you might need love coaching, because your environment is a mirror of you.

Call me! I have room for more clients at the moment and I am really looking forward to help you and your friends to be happy!

XO, Carolin"

Amazing horoscopes

I believe in human beings and our ability to create our own fate, but I also think there might be more to this world than we can see and prove at this point. I am open for mystery so I read Gaz's fabulously inspiring horoscopes on: www.whispersoftherealheart.com

What are you doing wrong?

Come on now... If you are not happy or does not have a boyfriend even if you want one, you are doing something wrong... What can it be? How are you ruining things for yourself? We all do this, so no blame on you, but seriously... You want to change your sabotaging! And you can!

1. Admit what you're doing, thinking or being
2. Admire others who do better
3. Adjust to the world, so you get what you want
4. Advertise your new you to the world, show off
5. Adore your new life!

Happy Australia day

Today it's time to celebrate Australia, the most beautiful country in the world. I am sooo in love with my life here. The people are so friendly and happy. The beaches so nice. The energy just perfect... I wish that every person will find the perfect place for them to be. We all deserve to live happily these days we have. Why not? When will you live if not now? Find your true love.

Going down to the beach now to see people swim on flip-flops. OK, it's a very anti-serious country too...

Your thoughts are magical

Norman Vincent Peale “You are not what you think you are, but what you think, you are.”

Start thinking thoughts that move you forward in life. Stop saying "I hate my job". Start thinking "I want to find out what I am passionate about and take steps to get there". Every negative thought can be rephrased into a positive one and all of a sudden bring you to life.

I am happy because my client is happy

A few days ago I received an email from a girl I coached a week ago. I get soooo happy about this:

Hi Carolin!!! How are you? I'm emailing in regard to my boyfriend.I took your advice and it turned out splendidly...after i left your office, i coudln't help but call him - and he was very angry at first, but i told him what i wanted to say and that night he messaged, and also the next day.We met up that thursday and spoke about everything, had a laugh about our stupid fight, and i heard him out and vice versa, he said he felt as though we didnt communicate about our problems enough, and he was just as open and honest as i was being. It was AMAZING!! We are back together now, and we've solved out certain ways to avoid big conflict. He is putting in so much effort now, and i didn't even ask for it!

Who would your perfect partner love?

I am sure you have a picture of your perfect Man or Woman up in your head. Perhaps you're ticking boxes every time you meet a new person, to see if they match that dream image. Am I right...? :)

Have you ever thought of it in the opposite way? To be able to find that lovely person you want in your life you will have to be the kind of person that ideal partner would love. I'm not telling you to fake or dress up to adjust, but I want you to figure out if you want this person to change you, or if you need to change to be able to find love?

Do you think you will be happy when you find the perfect match? RETHINK. BE happy first, starting today.

What can you do, think or be NOW...? This is your chance.

For love coaching: www.coaching2love.com

Your first love could be dangerous

If you still look back at your first puppy love with a huge smile on your lips, thinking "it will never be that good again", your love life might be in danger. Researchers have found that those who had a passionate first relationship that they keep on thinking of, fails in building real true bonds with people in the future. Move on, dear friend! There are more happy endings.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,480656,00.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1121103/Why-SHOULD-forget-love-The-memories-ruin-future-relationships.html?ITO=1490

5 turnoffs

I found this great article on Eharmony. It's about the five things that turns men off...

http://advice.yahoo.eharmony.com.au/?page=articles/view&AID=1796&start=1

How to get more sex

"In general, people are having less sex," said Dr. Ian Kerner, a New York City-based sex therapist and author of "Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parent's Guide to Getting It On Again."

So Kerner offers nine easy tips to reclaiming your sex life:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,479917,00.html

Love potion

Since Helen Fisher's findings about how love is created in our brain we know a lot about what chemicals that makes us feel those butterflies and wanna stay together. It's because of a chemical called oxytocin, that is awakened within us when we touch each other gently. Now there is more proof of this:

http://i.gizmodo.com/5133665/love-potion-under-development-like-roofies-but-friendlier

Read Helen's book Why we love. It's awesome!

Being natural and real

I've had a friend staying at mine for 10 nights. It's been great to have him around and great to practice on being around someone, carrying zero make up or facades. We have spent so much time together it's been comfortable to just be me with him.

During my 20'ies I was in long term relationship, but the last few years have created this selfish individual who is glammed up in fancy dresses and lip gloss every time she meets people :)

The girl in the picture is not for real. The real me is sitting on her couch right now in fisherman pants and messy hair. And she is worthy love to.

In our dating and single society many people get shallow and focused on perfection. But there is no such thing. You are fabulous anyway!!!

What are you looking for?

Hey friend, Do you know what you want in life? I am sure you know what you do NOT want. Most people are talents on the area of complaining. They say they hate their job, and they find faults in their relationships.

I usually force my clients to write lists of what they want from life. This is sometimes hard, because it suddenly makes you responsible. You have a dream, so now you just have to figure out how to reach it... hmm. Lots of people prefer to complain. Easier that way, to blame others...

When you dare to start dreaming you will reach further! You will be happier, more successful and more contempt. You will get the power! You will be in charge and get the ability to steer your life in the direction you want!

Go from saying "I don't want my partner to leave the room every time I want to talk about something serious", say "I would love my partner to start listening and sharing his feelings". Continue by saying "I want to be able to communicate my needs to my partner".

See the shift? See how you suddenly went from putting the blame on him to giving yourself the power. I know it can feel like "giving in" but it works. The results are what counts.

It's like peace making. You can't just say that Hamas or Israel are bad and should stop. That won't change anything. You need to find a way to reach out and communicate in a way the two enemies will listen to. Sure, in a perfect world everyone would change just by us telling them too, but life is not that easy.

Now, write down 100 things you want from life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr9s3xSaBtQ

How can YOU be single?

The other day a guy told me "I can't believe you are single!" Like it was something wrong with being single, like only the ugly ones could be not taken. It's a very limited way of looking at relationships, and if you carry those ideas it will make you totally miserable if you're not with someone. You will see having a partner is like evidence for your value.

It is not.

If your goal is to find love and you don't, I am sure you are doing, thinking or being something wrong, and you will gain from looking at yourself and improve your ways. Most times it is not about loosing weight, getting rid of wrinkles or dressing smarter, but more about your insecurity, low self esteem or heart burns. If you cure your heart, you will reach your goals.

But sometimes people just don't want a partner at the moment. Perhaps other things are more important. Or maybe they are dealing with the issues above and need to do that first.

It's for sure flattering to hear that someone "can't believe I'm single", but it's at the same time a rude statement. It has an undertone of "what's wrong with you".

Or am I wrong?

Britney Spears is such a fighter

This girl has gone through so much, but is she bitter? Noooo, she keeps on fighting and improving. She could have been a miserable depressed woman now, complaining about how the world was treating her, but she pushed herself further and showed everyone that we can all change. We can all recover and be happy again.

Sam and the City for casual advice

The young media personality Samantha Brett writes regularly about issues like sex and dating in her blog at Sydney Morning Herald - www.smh.com.au Check it out: http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/asksam/ It's fun to read for what it is. If you want serious individual help with your dating, please come to me though... :)

Love coaching

Try 30 minutes free love coaching! It will change your life... I coach on msn chat or Skype. Book your session on coach@coaching2love.com

Go training with other fit singles

If you live in Sydney you should really think of going to my friend Erica's Mega Meet training session on Saturday 17 January in Centennial Park! Heaps of singles training together. Lots of laughing and a great way of meeting people without alcohol and make up... You will all be red faced and your true selves.

It’s a one off 2 hour training session with fit single people. You pay $30 for the training and company. Go to http://www.fit2date.com.au/ to book in.

Words from a colleague

I have subscribed to a newsletter from author Terry McDonald who also has a serious apporach on how to find true love (i e it's not just about dating and getting laid...). Here is what she writes in her last letter about how to find a man:

1) Like yourself. If you find yourself comparing yourself to models, celebrities, your best friend, or the woman who cleans your dog's teeth, you don't like yourself enough. If you think the way you look is more important than who you are, you do not like yourself enough.

KNOW THIS: Healthy, well-adjusted men are attracted to women who like themselves. Losers and abusers are attracted to women who don't. (And women who don't like themselves are very often ATTRACTED TO loses and abusers!) To facilitate the liking yourself process, repeat the following affirmation 30 times a day: "I love and approve of myself." Keep it up for at least 30 days. Do not discount the importance of this step: Once your inside world changes, your outside world will, too. You will attract -- and be attracted to -- better men.

2) Like men. If you believe that all the good men are taken, that they're congenitally incapable of monogamy, that they all lie, you do not like men. What's more, you know nothing about them at all. Despite what you read in the tabloids, honest, loyal men exist and want a lasting relationship. Stop watching TV shows about people who cheat on one another. Stop reading novels that perpetuate the myth that you need a man, but the good ones are all gone. Stop hanging out with other women who harp about their man disasters. In other words, cease allowing yourself to be brainwashed.

3) Treat every man you meet as a unique human being. Smile at him. Be interested in him instead of his material possessions. Drop preconceived notions, look him in the eye, and listen closely when he speaks. Some men will not be worth getting to know any better, but some of them definitely will. Find out who's who.

4) Go where the men go. Here are a few ideas: Sports bars; adult ed courses in real estate investing, finance, or car repair; Toastmasters meetings; bookstores (especially cafe bookstores); and ski trips. Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. Go fishing. (I personally know a well-heeled guy who just married a woman he met while he was fishing.)

5) Get out of the house often. Become a friendly and familiar face. Don't expect to meet anybody your first time out. Don't expect to meet anybody your first five or 10 times out. It's possible that you won't even meet a guy, but you may meet somebody who'll introduce you to the man of your dreams.

Life is about creating yourself

More wisdom from my mate Richard on:

http://wakeuptiger.blogspot.com/

Watch a dating show online

Watch my friend Brooke's new dating show!

http://au.video.yahoo.com/watch/4132729/11132215
http://twystv.com/

The younger, the more depressed

Gerald Klerman och Myrna Weissman at Columbia University has in their research shown that younger generations are more depressed than people used to be. Less than 20 % of people born before 1915 had been depressed, compared to 40 % of people born after 1955.

According to the researcher Susan Nolen-Hoeksema the reason can be that older generations didn't question values in the way we do today, when we have the freedom to choose religion, value systems and life style.

So we worry to much and have no strong culture helping us pick the path of life. Does this apply to you?

Sundays

For singles, Sundays can be a pain. All these couples everywhere... having cosy Sunday brekkies, reading news papers. I really love my lonely Sunday mornings (it's hard to find a guy who wakes up at 6 on weekends too...) but it still feels so lonely when everyone else are having you-and-me-time, kissing and looking at each other with that adoring, peaceful look.

Instead of being jealous and bitter, choose to see those happy couples with love. Admire them and see them as role models. Tell yourself "this is what I want" and then figure out what steps you need to take to get there. By saying "How can he be with her, she's not even cute" or "I will never get a boyfriend" or anything else that is negative (I know you are thinking these things...), use the happy pictures to motivate yourself!

Wish me a pleasant journey

I'm in Hong Kong, on the airport, drinking a decent cup of coffee and hiding behind a computer. Lovely. The 11 hours from London was ok, I slept a bit, and now it's just another 10 to go. How can I make these hours pleasant? What's the point of whining about it? I can read, take a sleeping pill and fade away, watch a movie... See everything bad as good, and feel better than best :)

Break a being-habit

This year I will focus on being my best me. That is my ultimate goal. Last year my best me sometimes covered in fear, since I lost control when I started my business in a new country, but this year I’ve got used to the culture and I have the strength to be my best me again.

Always when I or a client needs to break an old being-habit - a learned way of being that is created by life - I use a method from the Buddhist monks. The Buddhists are aware of our capability to change and improve, and they work actively with that. One way of working on your being-habits is to count black and white pebbles. When they are as they want to be they get a white pebble, and when they go back to the unwanted being they get a black pebble. Rewards and punishment in an easy way.

I don’t use pebbles, but I count points. I usually do it easy by giving myself + and – and end up with just one digit. If I smile I get one point, but if I criticise somebody I loose the point and is back on zero. When I reach 20 points I get a prize. I might give myself a new dress or an afternoon off work.

20 points sounds easy, but damn, it is hard to break patterns. When you have been in a certain way for ages, you tend to be like that without thinking. I mean, try brushing your teeth in a new direction for a while! It’ a routine. But all habits are created, and can be re-created.

Are you with me on the counting game for January? Who knows what can happen…

Stop worrying