Question
He is flirting with her, where do I stand? Advice? I'm not proud of this but I looked over my bf entire msn history with a girl over summer as I was suspicious about the nature of their friendship.. They spent heaps of time together but always avoided each other when I was around, or acted awkward.Turns out they were constantly flirting, sending rude pictures of each other, discussing my sex life, talking intimately, he was lavishing compliments on her, compliments I don't get anymore.Their flirty conversations are still happening, less frequently, but still same nature. The girl has strong moral convictions about sex before marriage and will not have sex. My bf... I thought I could trust him but I think if this girl changed her moral stance and suddenly wanted sex, then he would go for it. Our relationship is strong and can overcome this kind of thing (overcome flirting, but perhaps not cheating), but I want to nip this in the bud. I do feel threatened by her as she is super hot and really lovely.What should I do? He is going overseas for 3 weeks and I don't want to open a can of worms and ruin his trip. Should I confront him? Should I confront her as well? I am willing to remain friends with all, but I just want this flirting to stop.Should I wait until he gets back?Is it alright to ask them not to see each other for a while?How can I suss out how committed to me my bf is? My trust has been shaken a bit. We have been together 5 years.I don't want to be an unreasonable b*tch, but I don't want to be a pushover either
My Answer:
Becky, Stand up for yourself now. You say your relationship is strong. In what way? He does not compliment you. Do you have sex? Are you close? Do you feel happy? Do you trust him?And come on, you don't want to ruin his trip??? Take care of yourself now. Are you really ok with him having this relationship with another woman? If you are, all good, I just worry about what is underneath, what is happening within you behind that calm and mature facade? Are you feeling as good as you should in a relationship? Seriously? This is not ok!!! I know it's hard to see the stains in a relationship you've gotten used to, but you only have one life and it's supposed to be happy. You deserve that. Give me a call if you need more help. /Carolin, The Love Coach