How to be dumped with dignity

My latest Cosmo column:
Being dumped is hard. It can be humiliating, painful and confusing. Many times you are left with a lot of questions and no answers. But if there is one thing to think about in the emotional mess, it’s to behave with grace - or hide. Avoid bringing out the green-eyed bitch.

Read the whole article: http://www.cosmopolitan.com.au/tame_the_bitch_within.htm

Fake it til you make it

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Yahoo7answer: He left me, what to do?

Question
Should I ask to why he broke up with me? I am 18 turning 19 this year I been with my pisces man for 3 years I fell deeply in love at first sight with, his 22 now and he took off last friday to another town and dumped me on 21st june sunday and said he loved me and missed me but he wants us to be apart and says he can't do it anymore. The reasons to this I understand but also don't understand at the same time but taking off into another town while his mum is dying is so childish.I thought poor thing I will just leave him alone because he won't talk to me no more and treats me like I don't exist now and he won't talk to anyone else really.Last thursday I went on his laptop just to get files off it that were mine that I really needed while he was at work and I found interesting videos of him naked and stripping in the bathroom used by his web cam and this was after the day he dumped me, I think he might of left me for someone else.Than I started to ask myself questions to why he broke up with me I wanted to ask but I won'tThan yesterday his family said to me that once his mum is dead his taking all his stuff and leaving to the town he left to for the past 2 weekends and never come back, he also said to his 3 of brothers and sisters by the time he come back they won't even remeber him and the youngest is 13.Than I still have questions should I ask? or don't worry about it?somepeople saying his gone lonney or crazy but I think his just confused. I still love him

My Answer:
Oh babe, It's time for change, and as when butterflies step out of the cocoon to show their beautiful wings or when a flower leaves the bud to look for the sun, it can look a little strange to start with. But we all know the result will be lovely. Your ex is in pain. He is in grief - somewhere within - and he can't handle anything at the moment. He probably flirts with others. It's change time for him as well, and he's not as connected to his emotions as you are, so he just acts out in a random impulsive way. I feel so sorry for him. This is not about you... Do you love him? Really? If you do, tell him in a quiet way that you want his best and that if he want a hug you are here. But take this moment to really figure out who you are and what you want from life. You are so valuable, you deserve to live your life to the fullest, to be that colorful butterfly dancing around, free and careless. Happy. Sometimes our questions are better left unanswered. You know the truth. You don't have to ask. His decision has little to do with you, and for you it's about finding your path now. I want you to watch this movie and start creating/finding the person you want to be: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlOxYdgyD...

xoCarolin, The Love Coach

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New Cosmo column: Be your best you

http://www.cosmopolitan.com.au/be_your_best_you.htm

"Let’s face it, we’re all a bit picky. No butter on your bread, no salt on your fries, extra mayo on your sandwich. But when it comes to dating, we can suffer the same fate. I bet you have dismissed a guy because his shoes were not trendy enough or his teeth were a bit crooked. I bet you have missed out on love because he was just not “right”. Now, I’m not going to convince you to be less picky and see beyond the small faults. After all, you’ve heard that before, haven’t you?No, my aim with this column is to see yourself in the same way as you see the guys. They are picky, too! Maybe they’re worried about those annoying idiosyncrasies, too - how you smell, how tight your top is, how you chew your food. Guys sweat the small stuff, too."

"My boyfriend flirts with a girl on msn"

Question
He is flirting with her, where do I stand? Advice? I'm not proud of this but I looked over my bf entire msn history with a girl over summer as I was suspicious about the nature of their friendship.. They spent heaps of time together but always avoided each other when I was around, or acted awkward.Turns out they were constantly flirting, sending rude pictures of each other, discussing my sex life, talking intimately, he was lavishing compliments on her, compliments I don't get anymore.Their flirty conversations are still happening, less frequently, but still same nature. The girl has strong moral convictions about sex before marriage and will not have sex. My bf... I thought I could trust him but I think if this girl changed her moral stance and suddenly wanted sex, then he would go for it. Our relationship is strong and can overcome this kind of thing (overcome flirting, but perhaps not cheating), but I want to nip this in the bud. I do feel threatened by her as she is super hot and really lovely.What should I do? He is going overseas for 3 weeks and I don't want to open a can of worms and ruin his trip. Should I confront him? Should I confront her as well? I am willing to remain friends with all, but I just want this flirting to stop.Should I wait until he gets back?Is it alright to ask them not to see each other for a while?How can I suss out how committed to me my bf is? My trust has been shaken a bit. We have been together 5 years.I don't want to be an unreasonable b*tch, but I don't want to be a pushover either

My Answer:
Becky, Stand up for yourself now. You say your relationship is strong. In what way? He does not compliment you. Do you have sex? Are you close? Do you feel happy? Do you trust him?And come on, you don't want to ruin his trip??? Take care of yourself now. Are you really ok with him having this relationship with another woman? If you are, all good, I just worry about what is underneath, what is happening within you behind that calm and mature facade? Are you feeling as good as you should in a relationship? Seriously? This is not ok!!! I know it's hard to see the stains in a relationship you've gotten used to, but you only have one life and it's supposed to be happy. You deserve that. Give me a call if you need more help. /Carolin, The Love Coach

Manly or girly guys - what does ladies like?

Question
Why don't girls like manly guys anymore? I'm what most people would call a really manly guy, but it seems like women are not that into me. I have been told that I have good features but they are very intense looking. I'm almost 6'2'' 205lbs and muscular and strong looking. About half the time I shave my head and pull it off rather well. Broad shouldered , half native american so im kind of tan too. Anyway it seems like everytime im out I see girls freakin out over some 5'10 150 lb weak looking guy with girly looking hair. I'm mean usually the guy looks like a dork, and wtf is up with that emo look, no offense but that really does look gay on guys, but its hot as hell on girls. It just seems like girls don't find real men attractive anymore, WHY?? its kind of weird. Is this some kind of weirdd fad or somthing? And I know personality is the most important thing, but still thats the look your goin for, and girls freak out when they find out I don't shave down there,...........wtf????????

My Answer
Hi there, Sorry about your frustration, not fun to get rejected... I know you don't understand the girls, but is it helping you to be angry and calling other men names? Maybe the girls like the "dorks" better because they are warmer people, nice and respectful to others, while you on the other hand are aggressive and abusive? I'm sorry to be hard on you but it is to help you move further and to be more successful. The angrier and bitter you get, the harder it will be to make a girl like you. You may attract equally angry and frustrated girls, since we are drawn to people of the same energy, but do you want that? Have a look at your thoughts and feelings. Heal yourself and put some boundaries on you. Girls don't care about your looks. They may well find you super hot. But if there is smoke coming out of your ears since you are so MAD, they will run. Good luck, I really want you to find love. It would make you relax and enjoy life more!! :)

Learn the Seven Secrets on how to build a strong long lasting relationship with your customers.
Breakfast talk on July 10, 8.30-9.30 am, 280 Pitt St Rsvp: infor@coaching2love.com, final date July 5th. The Love Coach Carolin Dahlman has teamed up with senior brand strategist Garry Wynne to offer a unique view on brands. The mission is to create mutual understanding, respect and love between people, to make both sellers and buyers happy.